a night to remember!

Welcome 2009!!!

finally it's 2009 already, the buffalo year (is it?haha).

was really exciting for this new year. New Year, New Life, New stories and definitely must be New Person as well. not really that new since i Love who I am already but i think i wanna change the way my heart works this year. i wanna wash away the old pain specially caused by my deary ex-besties, thinking positive ahead and start believing that miracles do happen in its own misterious way and that life has already had its own path for everyone. so im pretty much exciting bout this new year, hopefully this is a great start and this year will be a great one.

anyway, as always, celebrating new years eve only means more food to consume and to fattening me even more!, more drinks to get you drunk, ice cream!, stupid games with of course even more weirdo punishment, FIREWORKS and above all that, a time to sit and talk and decide what kind of new year's resolution we'd like to have for this year.


location: qyu's place ( where else could we be beside here,where things are cheaper and freedom to do lunatic acts even when mum's is around!haha basecamp of the dream man!u should come and hang out. we're having soft opening soon....)



mother elephant, big old bear, tiny lil monkey, fatty panda.

owh, i decide to put the same pic as my blog main frame up there, so that everyone know how i love my animal famz so much! :) nothing better than elephant, bear, panda and monkey sitting together and having those penetration chat all night long. haha.

so our new year's eve journey was started from 5pm. where we started to make those pudding and fla plus a very yummy pancake.


it's a bit blur but the thing that dea makes is the pudding soon to be.





since idil is a GUY so we decided to use his manpower to stir the adonan instead of using mixer that we dont have.










u'll need fresh milk and flour plus 3 awesome gals to create a blasting pancake!haha










desert was done!then we continue to the main course. these instant chefs decided to make pasta2 for the night. spaghetti and penne are really delicious.






tomato sauce yumm!hey, mba ta has arrived!!








penne with meaty...hmm,human meat is the best!haha it's red and fleshy...









this is the very fresh from the open result from the awesomely cute instant chefs.







Roof time!!!





animaly famz..








animaliez in pahlawan bertopeng mode!or in thai dancer mode?ah,whatever..we're in crazee mode definitely!haha





bonbin gank bank member baru pulang dugem dari zook club tepat diatas qyu's club.
guess where?!?!


in the end, new year always leads us to an obligation of creating a resolution. me myself is totally clueless about it. well,im not a well planned person as usual, but this year is special, at least i wanna make it special.
so here are things i managed to squeeze ot from my head.

New Years resolution:
.berbakti (sama Tuhan, Kakek.....udah deh kayaknya.)
.have a new life! too many details on this but working with a paying salary is the simple desription of it.
.move on! no more unforgiveness pain unless the dhedeyn one,ok i mite not move on easily on this.
.get that particular desire of having boyfriend or at least someone to be serious with. man,am i that pathetic?i want a desire and not the person yet. shit, ive been frozen too long already to even have the intention to have bf!


okay,so after eating, drinking too much, sending idil home and a long way journey with people peeing freely at the sidewalk (yucks!), me, qyu, dea having this stupid pillow conversation. it was supposed to be a heart to heart convy, but it was already near 4am and all our eyes were just really heavy that we even talked with our eyes closed. i forgot what was the whole conversation about, i rememberedthat fatty qyu slept first then i couldnt tahan myself to sleep too and i think dea is the last. she still mumbling bout something im not sure what. hehe.


i think, so far this new year is great, not too many people at last, the less the sexier remember? :P
gonna miss this kinda thing so much after this, coz i believe this year, each of us will be separated in ways and distance. and this kinda thing might be difficult to do in the future. however, i know oe thing for sure, my heart, qyu's heart, dea's heart, none of it will change the way we feel about each other no matter what. there will be time where we wont be seeing each other too much anymore but our heart bounded always. im sure we're gonna miss qyu's house, the birthdays we usually celebrated together, the chat and laugh and tears and everything w used to do together. the sitting down in one place talking bout how our life has change and how we want to be a much better person, the gossip about those freakin idiot people, specially those time where we try really hard to meet even just for 5 minutes coz we realize that it's been too long yet it's just 1 day ago we met and we miss each other too much already.

there are just too much stories too tell for this almost 5 years we've been together. 5 years!and it's already feel like forever. people come and go, stories tell and told. SHIT!im crying now and i know i wont be able to stop it.
having the thought of me leaving here anytime soon is freakin sad. it's been a TOTAL BLESS to meet them. 2 souls to mate mine.




one day, when we all move on an distance is bent in front of us, ill be crying again knowing i miss those sad and joy moment very much!!
and in the end...
here's us..


the final three musketeers!
only with them i can faithfully say BESTFRIEND FOREVER.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!












it's morning and dea left home already, and u know what?i miss last nite so much now. i miss 'em already and though i know how stupid it is, I wish one day we will never grown apart and nothing will change from what we have now. it's a promise.

here's a song that stuck in my head lately and i wanna dedicate this song for those mate of mine..

See the sunrise
Know it's time for us to pack up all the past
And find what truly lasts
If everything has been written, so why worry, we say
It's you and me with a little left of sanity
If life is ever changing, so why worry, we say
It's still you and I with silly smile as we wave goodbye
And how will it be? Sometimes we just can't see
A neighbor, a lover, a joker
Or a friend you can count on forever?
How happy, how tragic, how sorry?
The sun's still up and life remains a mystery
So, would it be nice to sit back in silence?
Despite all the wisdom and the fantasies
Having you close to my heart as I say a little grace
I'm thankful for this moment cause
I know that you

Grow a day older and see how this sentimental fool can be
When she tires to write a birthday song
When she thinks so hard to make your day
When she's getting lost in all her thoughts
When she waits a whole day to say...
"I'm thankful for this moment cause I know that I
Grow a day older and see how this sentimental fool can be
When he ache his arms to hold me tight
When he picks up lines to make me laugh
Whan he's getting lost in all his calls
When we can't wait to say : "I love you'."

If everything has been written down, so why worry, we say
It's you and me with a little left of sanity




anyway,
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 everyone!
may this year brings many new hopes and better things in life ahead. amin!
semangat!
:)

confession of a frozen gal...

"... Rasakan semua, demikian pinta sang hati.
amarah atau asmara, kasih atau pedih,
segalanya indah jika memang
tepat pada waktunya.
dan inilah hatiku,
pada dini hari yang hening.
bening. apa adanya." peluk-dee,rectoverso.



berasa hati gue aja yang berbicara.
sedih. ga sesedih itu siyh. tapi sedih. huhu.
ada sebuah penjabaran sedih yang ga bisa gue rangkai dengan kata-kata.
terlalu kompleks dan terlalu buram.
entah di sisi sebelah mana gue berada.
it's been months i never counted again myself since the last time i feline love.
how does it feel anyway?
emon sent me that baron song to remind me that feline love is beautiful, dont be afraid to fall again. well, i appreciate his effort to remind me how ive been very cold nowadays but im not afraid to fall, or too stupid not to realize that love is beautiful. i just havent get the chance to feel it again. not just yet.
then why am i feeling blue today?

'Once in a dream, I saw you telling me
That you've traveled in the dark
Just to find that little spot
How you'd settle for a light
In the vastness of the night
Then I saw some tears were coming from you eyes
As you said you'd found your paradise
And I began to ask you : why you have to cry ?

And now, it's so dreamlike I hear you telling me
It's been such a perfect grace; it's been such a perfect place
To be in my heart at last, and have angels singing you a song
As you see the tears are falling from my eyes
When you say I am your paradise
You smile and ask me: Why I have to cry ?

It's a journey, you say, an illusion of a journey
Now you can't see where it ends and where it starts
It's our life and our love that you wish to have,
where you wish to be
In this tiny spark of memory, mortality
What's left for me to do is to welcome you home
Back to my heart, back to heaven's light
Back to my heart, and we're never apart

And it's time for me to say goodbye to those eyes
To let you go so sleeplike and hear you whisper;
Why we have to cry?

It's a journey, you say, an illusion of a journey
Now you can't see where it ends and where it starts
It's our life and our love that you wish to have,
Where you wish to be
In this tiny spark of memory, mortality
What's left for me to do is to welcome you home
Back to my heart, back to heaven's light
Back to my heart, and we're never apart
And we're never apart'


it's sad to hear a tale where a guy tells a girl the reason why he broke up with the girl's bestfriend in the past. the he told her that it was his darkest moment, where he cried over the girl's bestfriend whose his ex-gf for 1 whole year, alone in sorrow. and there the girl, sitting beside him, listening to the story. the guy doesnt know that the girl likes him. like and not love. there's no jealousy the girl have in her heart. she realizes that she's a friend for him. but isn't everything starts from friendship first?. so she still listens to the guy's stories. on how his sorrow is. she felt a blank page is opened in her heart, she doesnt know what to feel, how to feel. she doesnt feel jealous, but somehow she's sad, she's scared, she's confused. the stories she listens to is about someone she know, someone close to her. and the person telling that stories is someone she likes now. although she knows that both the guy and her bestfriend has already get over everything they had before and moving on with their life, but she still feel that sadness. she's unsure if she wants to continue fight for him.

and when i listen to the story, i feel sad too. i couldnt imagine how to be in her position. must be damn sad, and frustating.
shit, emo-ing is the last thing i need now but it seriously sadden me.
the song above, hit me in the heart too.


be strong lovely girl,
if u decided not to fight for him anymore, dont stop believing in love like me,ok?
if u decided to keep ur fighting, have a little faith that whatever happen later, there's always a good reason for it. chayou ne!








haihz. okay then, now it's time to really wake up and say a very good morning to all.new years spirit in the go and let's start enjoying today!
counting down to midnite of 2009....



GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!

hunting day!

shopping time!!!!
that's what i can screamed out loud bout today. counting down 1 more day to new year's eve, we gotta prepare and buy some stuff for tomorrow. still blur at first on how many person will be joining along. yeah,people say the more the merrier, but in our part, the less the sexier. haha. u gotta play sexy since 2009 is just in front of your door, waiting to be opened.

anyway..today is the day where i had my earliest wake up for the whole year at qyu's house. i promised dimas to have dimsum together and dimsum here is only served at morning. u know when he said morning i thought it would be around 9 or 10 o clock, but apparently his morning is literally morning where it only counts till 9 o'clock the latest. and so he woke me up by calling me in the morning. several miss called untill i finally answered it and got my arse off the bed. he called me at 7.30am man! what do u expect?!?! that's still my dreaming time. haha. i went to eastern with him. nice place, nice food. finally!i can eat dim sum here in bandung!!!!so happy!
been missing malay's dim sum for quite time and im craving over it. and today, i paid straight my crave. love the seaweed roll so much!tho it's not as cheap as malay one and it's not as variate as in malay plus you will have to race with people to get those dimsum u really want from the cart (since we're sitting a bit in the middle where it's always too late for us to get what we want from the cart that we have to ordered it by ourself. lessons to learn:u wanna eat dimsum?sit in the outside row of table dear!), it's still nice tho. so we ate, talked, laughed, ate, and paid the bill. im happy to be able to meet him today. been a while.

anyway, after that makan-makan time, i rushed back home, changed clothes, wrote our shopping list and chao to ciwalk. i actually promised my cousin to karaokeing at 1pm. but what to say. late is one of our middle name. so we started at 2. supposedly we took a small room that can count till 6 person. but it was full booked till 6pm so we decided to take the large room. imagine u having a room where 12 person can fit in but there's only 5 of u there. 3 of u so to say at first. freakin lots of room to fill in right?! tried to call some of my friends but too late already. so there we were, large room with only 5 people screaming from the top of their lungs, singing (mostly me did this) annoyingly catchy songs. here's the karaoke-ing gank...




dea(lost her glasses), my cousin Dila, freaky me, curly qyu, idil (clueless look).


and the Most annoyingly catchy song of the day is.. KANGEN BAND-DOY.
try to listen to it guys, freakin stuck in your head!haha.

after those singing out loud time, then came the real shopping time!!lots of stuff to buy for tomoorow. cooking ingredients and all desert thingy. hmm, not much to say for this shopping time, let's just see da pics.





this was where we started. choosing paprica. qyu loves green!





dea loves red paprika (how to spell it anyway?!!?)





me? i love the red one, the yellow one..
either is fine for me since i cant really tell which one is red and which one is yellow. hahaha. being partially colour blind is fun! but in the end we decided to take the green one. why?well, basically price does matter and budget kinda tight so cheaper is so much better. :)




arent they lovely?just like a 'real' husband and wife wanna be getting tomato for their salad dinner.. :P




chicken pok pok pok.....



mana yang ada duluan? telur ayam ato induk ayam?!?!




gak ada spaghetti merk indomie ya disini?!?!




idil pengen candid katanya..pengen candid ato lg mikir tu es krim rasa apa aja? :P




last destination of our shopping trip, cashier..


huff, it's been a tiring day. full of fun tho. cant wait for tomorrow and shut!it reminds me of the resolution i should've had by now yet im still blank bout it. haha. we'll see wat's coming up tomorrow in my head.
hmm,im having this butterfly in my stomach thingy. wondering what'll come up after this. coz sometimes it means something's unpredictable coming up.



tired and still having that missing the old sake person a bit,
signing off man.



nitey!

kangen cinaaa.......

271208,saturday morning.

hmm..bangun2 seperti biasa keingetan mimpi semalem. it was nothing special. but it made me keep thinking of some1 that's been in my head for quite sometimes. c cina.
haihz. i miss him. started from the day when i found out that we had been different that a separate distance has grown between us. and that somehow annoys me now. huhu.

i dreamt of him last nite. wasn't a really sweet dream i'd say. but it's succesfully made me missing him even worse. u know those stories when i said the wrong words bout our difference that we couldnt be together and there's no way we could make things happen. well, it was on my dream last nite. yeap, i dreamt him telling me that he was sad coz i said those things. he was sitting right next to me yet he was so far away. me and my friend were at his house. hanging out watching tv. when he sat beside me,i can feel his dissapointment. kayak seseorang yang pernah deket banget ma kita tiba2 menjauh. then after he told me his saddy thing, he went out to the terrace and i felt that i should explained everything to him. that i wasn't serious bout what i said about us. that i thought that nite conversation was a usual kidding around chat. that i thought he wouldnt be very dissapointed like he did now. and that since that nite i was so sad that distance grows between us and i missed him so much it sadden me even more.

so i went out to the terrace, following him. he was there standing and i spontanuosly went hugging him. 'kangeeeennnnnn....' i dont care whether he's angry to me or dissapointed or whatever. i just wanna hug him and show him how i miss him so much. cinaaa, kangen tau!ga peduli kamu lagi marah ato lagi kesel ma saya karena omongan saya yang salah waktu itu tapi saya kangen banget. and so i hug him. super tight. he smiled and said that he missed me too. but he could never said it to me coz he felt that i wouldnt miss him back. he kept himself away from me all this time coz he thought i didnt wanna continue being together with him. i almost cried when he said that. did u know that i wanted exactly the opposite?

mimpinya berlanjut terus tapi not in the mood of writing the rest of the details down. that's it. sisanya, saya mau simpen sendiri.

bangun2 langsung inget cina. jd kangen lg. it's seriously been a while since the last time we contacting each other. he didnt even reply the sms i sent him on Xmas. hmm, emang saya udah beneran sesalah itu ya ngomongnya ke dia. cinaaaa,waktu itu kan kita lagi becanda2 jd knapa siyh omongan saya dianggap serius?!?!?!sebbeeeeeellllll.....



cina!kangen tau ma kmu, kangen tau cerita2 bodoh lg, kangen tau ditemenin ngobrol sampe pagi2, kangen tau nyela2 lg, kangen tau ngeliat nama kamu muncul d hp, kangen bangeeeeeettttt ma kamu!emang semuanya harus berubah ya?emang semuanya harus selesai gtu aja ya?bahkan buat temenan jg ga bisa?
kamu sendiri tau,saya bukan tipikal orang yang bisa gampang gtu aja sayang ma orang, kmu sendiri tau butuh banyak waktu buat bikin saya bilang sayang ma orang. entah berapa banyak waktu yang dibutuhin tapi saya butuh waktu itu. kalo kamu emang pengen nyoba,kenapa ga bertahan? saya belum 'jatuh', but why dont u stay and make me?




time's running out and that i mite be moving on to somewhere far better place soon. i dont wanna lose you, but looking at our situation now, i mite not have thet regret in my heart too much to make me cry for u. i cant fall too fast, and no matter what,i will always move on.

saya cuma pengen bilang ma kamu, saya kangen banget ma kamu cina. entah karena kangennya udah bertumpuk dari kemaren2 ditambah mimpi tadi malem jdnya rasa kangennya meluap2. atau entah karena mungkin saya masih ngerasa bersalah karena malam itu dan omongan saya soal perbedaan yang bikin kamu jadi menjauh. entah yang mana cina, tap saya tau sekarang ini saya kangen kamu.






dan saya cuma pengen tau, am i feeling this way coz u r feeling similar thing too and do u feel what i feel?

cina,kangen banget ma kamu!i wish i had the courage to tell u.......

sahabat an***g!

this december shuld be full of joy,happiness,super blast moment and miraculous stories. why not? it's holiday time with christmas today,moslem new year next week and of course new years 2009 just around the corner awaits us. this month supposed to be an exciting month. u get to eat much,drink much,and sleep as much as u'd like.

from earlier this month ive been stressing bout things in my head. i cant say what but it was bothering me for quite some time. then i managed to get rid all of the sadden things and get back to the hols spirit!.tapiiiiii.....

baru aja kemaren,KEMAREN!gue,yang udah berhasil kembali ke semangat bermain dan bersenang2,SAKIT HATI LAGI!and this time,it's a REAL PAIN IN THE HEART!gue MARAH,gue KECEWA,gue TERLUKA,gue EMOSI,gue KESEL,gue ngerasa TERKHIANATI,gue BINGUNG,gue SEDIH BGT, semua campur aduk jadi satu terutama karena seseorang yang bikin gue sakit hati itu,yang bikin gue tercabik2 itu,yang bikin gue sedih setengah mati dan yang bikin hati gue ga pernah sesakit ini adalah SAHABAT gue sendiri!MANTAN SAHABAT tepatnya skrg.

yeap, Silfi Badriati Rahman!itu nama orang yg udah ngegoresin terlalu banyak luka di hati gue sekarang. TERLALU banyak sampe2 gue pada akhirnya NUMB. I used to love her so much but now,she probably the one i HATE the most after my father. dia yang udah nyakitin hati gue,qyu, ma dea kmrn. dia yang udah dengan gampangnya ngebuang persahabatan kita sekian tahun ini cuma demi an asshole bernama Inal!dia yang atas nama keseriusan hubungannya ma inal TEGA ngancurin persahabatan kita dan atas nama sebuah kehidupan baru TEGA nyingkirin kita smua dan bahkan TEGA nyebut kita perusak idupnya dia. dia tega loh ngejelek2in kita di depan inal. tega loh memfitnah kita demi pacar anjinknya itu!tai babi loe dheyn!

kemaren gue,qyu n dea beritikad baik buat nyamperin dia ke rumahnya,kita kangen ma dia n kita pengen nanya langsung aja sebenernya ada apa siyh selama ini,ko dia kesannya ngehindarin kita bgt,ngejauhin kita smua. kita pengen nge-clear-in klo2 emang ada masalah yg kita ga sadar n berharap smuanya bisa baik2 lg aja kyk dulu. kita dengan niat mulia dateng k rumahnya,kita dah prepare sebuah surat in case dia (yg kita yakin bgt) ga ada di rumah. rencananya surat itu mau kita titipin aja klo ga bisa ketemu orangnya langsung. dan bener aja pas kita sampe,dia ga ada d rumah. kita ketemu bokapnya,sempet malu karena bokapnya nyuruh kita nunggu di dalem n ngehubungin dia padahal kita ga punya nomer telponnya dia.yeap,selama ini dia GA PERNAH MAU ngasih nomer hpnya. banyak yg neror lah,hpnya rusaklah, bla bla bla sgala macem alesan. kita telponin ga diangkat. pas kita dah mau pulang aja,gue titipin suratnya ma bokapnya sambil minta tolong buat bokapnya telpon dia. karena gue tau bgt klo bokapnya yg nelpon ga mungkin ga diangkat. krn bokapnya mo solat jd adeknya yg nelpon pake hp bokapnya. dan bener aja perkiraan gue, telponnya diangkat trus disodorin ke gue. gue tanya dia diman,dia bilang lg d tempatnya inal,lg ada acara n masih lama. but u know how she sounded?she sounded as if she was talking to a stranger and not to a long lost pal. yasudlah ya,gue titipin aja suratnya trus kita cabs dr stu. masih setengah bertanya2 ada apa.

kita udah setengah jalan d dago mau k ciumbuluit waktu honya qyu bunyi n nomer yg nelpon itu nomernya silfi yg dikasih bokapnya td. gue angkatlah,ternyata inal. dan ini adalah awal mimpi buruk kita.

inal said: 'halo ini siapa yah?'
gue said: 'halo ini siapa?inal yah?'
inal: 'iya,ini siapa ya?tadi nelpon ke nomer ini'
gue said: 'oh sorry nal,ini yuvi,kita kira td ini nomernya silfi,td kita dikasih nomer ini ma bokapnya. kita ga tau ini nomer loe,kirain nomernya silfi'
inal said: 'iya tadi gara2 nomer ini nelpon saya jd berantem sama silfi.'
gue said (udah mulai emosi n ga suka ma omongannya dia): 'oh ya maaf kita ga tau,kita cuma dikasih nomer ini trus kita telp kita kirain ini nomernya sil...'
inal said: 'maaf yah,jangan neghubungin ke silfi lg'
trek. telponnya dimatiin.


WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?!?!?!gue langsung naek darah langsung emosi. apa maksudnya dia ngomong kayak gitu njink?maunya apa si anjink satu itu?tai banget ngomong2 kayak gtu trus langsung tutup telpon seenaknya. ANJINK tu orang!!!!!fuckin asshole!!
gue yg super emosi nelpon balik dr hp gue dan tebak?saking BANCINYA telpon dia langsung ga bisa dihubungin. akhirnya gue sms aja. maksudnya dia apa ngomong kayak gtu. maunya apa. klo brani ngomong langsung. ngomong ma gue depan muka. jangan beraninya cuma maen tutup telpon aja. jelasin ada apa klo brani. ngomong langsung. BANCI!!!

ga berapa lama ada balesan gini:
from:+6281702139**
percuma ngomng tp lu smua gak ngerti
.:inalsilfi:.

kta udah super ngamuk semuanya. anjink apa maksud dia ngirim kayak gtu. gue bales k dia. lu ngomong aja ga pernah. bahkan usaha aja kaga!gimana lu tau kita ngerti apa gak. lu ngomonglah ada apa klo brani. lu ngangkat telpon aja ga brani apalg ngomong.
gue ma qyu udah super emosi. tu anjink bedua salah banget ngambil moment kayak gini. salah bgt. gue lg ga mood dan dia cuma nambah ngerusak smuanya. salah banget dia pilih waktu dimana emosi gue lg gak bisa dikontrol dan ambang batas kesabaran gue ma silfi udah abis. guemarah semarah2nya,kecewa berat!smua omongan babi anjink tai sundal bangsat bejat brengsek pecun laknat sgala macem udah kluar lah dr mulut gue. itikad baik kita sampe ngalah ngebela2in dateng ke rumahnya silfi biar smua clear ternyata dianggap sampah aja ma mereka. kita yang selama ini selalu berusaha positif thinking,kita yang selama ini selalu berusaha mikir kalo ga ada apa2 cuma kesibukan masing2 aja kyk biasa. kita yang selama ini selalu masih negbelain dia tiap kali ada orang ngomong jelek tentang dia,ada orang nanya2 yg aneh2 ttg dia. kita selalu ngebelain dia. kita selalu bantah smua omongan miring mna dia. dan lihat apa yg dia perbuat ke kita. SHE TREATS US LIKE SHIT!

kesabaran kita abis,kita ngeras wasted selama ini ngebelain dia. ngerasa percuma selama ini selalu berusaha ngehubungin dia, ngerasa buang2 waktu aja sam orang yang bahkan GA NGEHARGAIN apa yang sahabatnya berusaha lakuin buat dia. berusah abertahan buat dia. CUKUP lah njink!
kita semua marah,kita semua kesel,kecewa sedih,SAKIT HATI!trus kita inget surat yang kita titipin n kita langsung puter balik buat ngambil surat itu lg. percuma surat itu ada,isinya mungkin klo dibaca ma dia ga lebih dari sekedar OMONGAN BASI yg GA PENTING buat dibaca. itupun klo dia mau bersusah payah meluangkan waktunya yang sangat berharga bersama pacar tercintanya itu buat baca surat itu. itupun klo surat itu mau dia buka buat dibaca sekilas dan bukannya dibuang ke tempat sampah ato bahkan dibakar saat segelnya aja masih utuh.
kita udah ga peduli,kita ngerasa udah DIHINA setengah mati,ga dianggap dan harga diri kita dicabik2. kita kesannya udah kayak nyembah2 sujud2 di kaki dia demi dia mau ngomong doang ma kita sementara dia mungkin mandang jijik dan ngeludahin kita dari tempatnya berdiri. kita balik,ngambil surat itu,kebetulan ga ada org yg ita kenal d rmhnya cuma sodaranya doang cowo yg kta sama sekali asing. suratnya kita robek2 d jalan dan kita buang ke sampah.

di jalan si anjink itu sempet ngesms gue lg gini:
'percuma ngmng ma orang yg bw dampak buruk. maaf jgn ganggu lg..bnyk urusan sy dan silfi yg harus dipikirin gak hanya main malam.
.:inalsilfi:.'

ah,dasar anjink buduk ga tau malu ga tau adat. apa2an dia ngomong kayak gini. apa maksudnya dia bilang kita bawa dampak buruk coba?kita ketemu silfi cuma beberapa kali setahun,itupun bertepatan ma ulang tahun masing2 dr kita. okey waktu ultahnya qyu emang gue ma silfi pulang agak malem,tapi cuma 2 hari itu aja. apa dia lupa lo pas ultah silfi sndr kita bela2in dateng k rumahnya bawa kado ma kue n ngerayain dirumah ga kemana2. kapan coba kita ngajak si silfi maen malem?bahkan dea aja kita selalu balikin ke rumah tepat sebelum jam 6 sore.
okey gue ma kiki suka kluar malem klo weekend,tapi SUMPAH DEMI TUHAN kita ga pernah ngajak silfi. okey klo mo ngliat gue emang gue suka maen malem,gue suka hang out d lounge ma temen2 gue tapi apa gue PERNAH ngajakin silfi?dea?ato qyu? GA PERNAH!asal loe tau aj njink!kehidupan gue semalem apapun itu ga pernah ngajak2 sahabat2 gue. karena gue tau mereka bukan tipe kayak gue. karena gue tau mereka ga mungkin kluar malem ma gue. dan apa loe pikir SEMUA kehidupan malem itu buruk?!?!gak njink!loe mau ngehina kehidupan gue silahkan,loe mau caci maki ato ngecap gue segala yg jelek2 silahkan tapi sekali lagi SUMPAH DEMI TUHAN gue ga pernah ngajakin silfi,qyu atopun dea buat masuk ke kehidupan gue yg itu. gue punya temen2 gue yang laen,jangan loe kira kita ga bergaul ma orang laen. kita punya temen2 laen yg JAUH LEBIH BAIK drpd pacar loe. apalg setelah sekarang kita tau gmn silfi yg sebenarnya.

gue udah mereda emosi luarnya, even dalem hati gue nangis bgt,even dalem hati gue ngerasa numb,ngerasa anjink!apa salah gue coba sampe dijudge kaak begini sama orang yang bahkan ga kenal gue sedikitpun!
gue cuma bisa bales. ck ck ck,hebat bgt loe bs ngejudge kta kyk gtu pdhl kenal kita aja gak. gue cm heran kapan kita bw dampak buruk buat pacar loe itu. yasudlah,kita juga ga sudi lg buat kenal ma kalian berdua. sampai kapanpun ga sudi. smoga kalian bedua bahagia ajalah..

dan yang gue ga percaya,si silfi masih berani bales gini:
'makasi y vi..kita juga lg blajar bwat serius ..maaf kalo ad kata yg ga enak..
.:inalsilfi:.'

anjink ni orang,masih berani bales sms?tai!
dari detik itu kita udah ilfeel ma kedua orang tadi. sombong banget sih jd org. sok banget!syapa loe njink?malaikat jg bukan, anak presiden jg jauh. tai!
trus kita mikir lg setelah semua emosi reda, ni silfi ternyata BRENGSEK abis!iyalah,orang kayak inal bisa ngomong kita berdampak buruk drmana coba kalo silfinya sendiri ga cerita yg aneh2 tentang kita. kita yakin di blakang kita silfi pasti udah jauh ngejelek2in kita. there u go dijelekin, difitnah, dibuang dan dilecehkan.
haihz. gue cuma bisa istighfar banyak2. gue pikir kesakitan gue udah gakan ada yg ngalahin lg rasa sakitnya dr patah hati2 dan dikhianatin tmn2 gue yg dulu,tapi ternyata sakit yg ini,sakitnya jauh lebih sakit lg daripada smua rasa sakit yg pernah ada. why?COZ I WAS BETRAYED BY MY OWN (USED TO SAY) BESTFRIEND. and nothing's worse then being hurted by the one u trusted most of ur life, someone you trusted to hold u and u hoped to lift u up when ur down.
dan gue baru saja mengalaminya.

macem2 berkecamuk di dada gue. sesek. berat.
haihz. gue menolak untuk bersedih lama2. karena gimanapun juga christmas is waiting and i have my duty to serve. klo emang gue harus kehilangan satu orang sahabat dengan cara yang kayak gini, then let it be...
gue tau bakal ada yg ilang tapi the portrayed of being three musketeers with qyu n dea is quite comforting at the moment.

gue cuma pengen bilang buat inal:
loe waktu pertama kali ketemu gue selalu ngegembar gemboorin soal respect. well,maybe it's about time for u to respect other people. blajar lah cara ngehargain orang, cara ngomong yang baik ma orang. jangan seenaknya ngomong nal!loe gakan pernah tau kapan orang lain bisa berbuat kayak gtu ma loe n nindas loe setengah mati. loe bisa kan ngomong baik2. jangan braninya maen tutup telpon ajalah. ngomong langsung donk. loe bukan banci kan?loe cowo kan? ngomonglah di depan muka gue kalo perlu as a gentlemen. cara loe tuh pengecut!beraninya cuma lewat sms doang. hargain orang laen dong nal!apalgi orang yang kenal ma pacar loe jauh lebih lama sebelum loe kenal ma dia. loe ngerasa 'berada'?ngerasa JAUH lebih BAIK drpd kita?jauh lebih hebat?well,gue cuma bs bilang NGACA dunk!!loe ga idup sendiri di dunia ini jd klo loe mau dihargain,learn how to respect other,jerk!!!!

buat silfi gue cuma pengen bilang:
PUAS loe udah ngancurin smuanya selama ini?PUAS loe udah ngejelek2in kita?ngomong apa aja loe ma pacar loe tercinta itu soal kita?cerita soal kluarga gue,masalah gue?kehidupan gue yang GAK PERNAH ADA sangkut pautnya ma loe?ato cerita masalah2 laen yang pernah gue ato qyu ato dea ceritain ke loe? asal loe tau aja ya vey, kita berbagi cerita seneng,masalah ato sgala macem dari dulu ma loe karena kita percaya ma loe dl!kita ngerasa loe bagian dari kita. kita ngerasa loe SAHABAT kita vey. tapi ini yang loe lakuin ma kita sekarang vey?SAHABAT ANJ**K lah! kita denger banyak hal soal loe dan kita capek2 ngebelain loe tapi loe sedikitpun ga ngebelain kita. percuma kita mentackle semua omongan jelek ma loe. ternyata smua omongan itu bener!selama ini kita aja yg goblok ga percaya ma mereka. pacar loe bilang kita bawa dampak buruk buat loe, loe ngaku apa ke dia?loe klo emang suka maen malem suka kluar malem suka begajulan,jangan bawa2 nama kita lah. klo loe ngerasa kita bawa dampak buruk,ngomong langsung depan kita vey. kasihtau kita kapan kita bawa dampak buruk ke loe?satu hal lagi kapan kita sering maen ma loe vey?gue minta loe sumpah demi Tuhan kalo emang kita bikin loe rusak,klo emang kita ngancurin idup loe. gue kecewa banget ma loe!gue diantara qyu ma dea mungkin yang paling kecewa ma sikap loe. asal loe tau ya vey klo loe emang tau gue brarti loe tau GAKAN Pernah kata maaf buat pengkhianat dalam kamus gue. gue kenal loe dari sma vey, dan loe ngebuang semuanya dengan dalih pengen serius ma inal. loe pikir qyu ga serius ma idil?loe pikir dea ga serius ma yodi?mereka pacaran lebih lama dari loe dan mereka jauh lebih serius drpd loe ma inal mungkin tapi mereka baik2 aja sejauh ini. loe ngebiarin pacar loe ngejudge gue seenakanya,tau ga apa yang ada di pikiran gue, mungkin sebenernya itu penilaian loe buat kita. mungkin selama ini bukan pacar loe yg mempengaruhi loe tapi loe yang mempengaruhi pacar loe. mungkin selama ini ternyata loe gak pernah nganggep persahabatan kita ini ada.mungkin ternyata selama ini loe yang ga suka ma ita, loe yang ngerasa kita ini pengganggu. pertanyaan gue cuma 1 vey, ada apa sih ma loe????


gue udah ga tau harus mikir apalg. ga tau harus nganggep gimana lg. td malem qyu sempet nanya kenapa silfi kayak gini. u know what?i dont have the answer man. the best thing came up on my head is just. maybe,somehow dia ngerasa terintimidasi ma kita dan satu2nya yang bisa bikin dirinya ngerasa superior dibandingin kita2 ini ya cuma dengan cara ngejelek2in kita. gue cuma mikir klo orang secantik dia cuma bisa ngerasa bahagia dengan ngejelek2in orang,there must be something wrong with herself man. ga punya hati bgt sih.




in the end of the day,tetep aja dada gue sesek, berat dan akhirnya gue ga bisa tidur jg tadi malem dari jam 2 sampe jam 5 pagi and christmas is welcoming me in the morning. sebuah kenyataan pahit 1 hari menjelang natal bahwa sahabat gue (mantan) sendiri udah memilih buat ngedump si persahabatan ini ke tempat sampah tanpa tedeng aling2. the pain still there dan gue cuma bisa bertahan dengan keyakinan, gue harus bertahan demi 2 orang lg sahabat gue. berkat kejadian ini,kita tau klo selama ini cuma kita ber3 yg saling ngerasain ternyata. dan berkat ini juga,kita tau kita takut kehilangan masing2.

enough is enough man. setiap orang punya ambang batas kesabaran masing2. if 1 day kita ketemu mereka di suatu tempat, we swear we will never say hi to them again. not after they stepping on our dignity and spit on it. so much for sahabat lah njink!

however,i wish them to be happy together forever and ever. amin.
my heartache?let God do whatever God thinks the best to repay it.






anyway,it's christmas today and lets enjoy this moment together.
im taking a deep breath n let go.....
may joy fulfill the world and every heart of us...

Merry Xmas everyone!hav a blast!
:)

testi-kel-monial-isa

hmm,it's december already n i know ive been missing blogging for quite sometimes..haha too much stuff on my head and too many things to prepare for this month. it's holiday time anyway and so so so many stuff pop up in front of me. hmm, it makes me realise that i havent even spare my time to think of a resolution since new year is just around d corner. hahaha. wat d heck,let's just see later lah.

anyway, i happen to know that im goin to post a really shitty post after this and since this is december with the holiday spirit is all over the air,i wanna start my this month blogging with something stoned and cracked.

i went online earlier this month,managed to contact several of my ex co-worker and my long lost friend thru email. then as usual we came up with an idea of writing year end testimonials for each other. tho it was really hard for me to think of something else to write bout them beside 'crazy,psycho,or fully retarded', i suceeded to wrote satisfying testimonials which represented them very well (according to themselves of course). i cant post it here coz it wud be without their permission, however, i feel like writing testimonials that they sent for me. some of them are true,some are totally true and some are just i dunno what to comment about. hahahaha

hey,i am narcist so dun care what u think, i wanna post what people think of me. which 1 do u think it's true? and if there's anything to add on, please guys, feel free to write to me. hahahaha. im acting as if im so much in popular state.





anyway, here they are....
vee is:

"penyanyi lagu2 'ganggu' n tukang karokean dengan nada2 'salah'" -inonk,supervisor+teman karaoke di masa2 kelam.

"neneng pe-a yang sukar dijelasin arah tujuan hidupnya!orang yg suka gangguin gw gawe,suka ngintilin gw ketemu klien demi makan gratis di tempat mahal, n suka jadi backing-an gw pas ngegencet pecun2 sundal yg suka ngerebut cowo gw!the best a me can get!luv u biatchii..." -timmy,org sakit temen seperjuangan dl yg skrg ninggalin gw k s'pore.

"pemberi nasehat yg baik,penyusun kata2 yg so sweet,wise in words, out of mind in act!thanx buat kata2 RPK yg dulu bs bikin cewe klepek2 ma gw!haha kapan novel lu kelar ndut?" -anto,mantan murid penakluk wanita yg skrg takluk ma nyonya adelia.

"nyet,lu tuh femi,butch, ato andro seh?!?!bingung gw..tega lu milih bee drpd gw!haha" -nanda,pengagum rahasia.

"makhluk moody yg lg suka banget nyodok!" -tata,kakaknya timmy yg slalu gw smsin ngajak maen tp ga pernah jd.

"gendut,berisik,sakit jiwa,perfeksionis,super santai,norak,tangguh,narsis,caring,pencinta cina,phobia kodok,penggila soto,penyayang kucing kampung,fleksibel,ga bs lepas dr sendal jepit,tukang cela dewi persik yg teuteup aja nontonin smua pelmnya janda saipul jamil itu demi nyela,saingan beratnya cowo,tukang bikin patah hati,tempat sampah yang baik yg tau kapan waktunya buat ngedenger dgn sangat baik,ngasih nasehat yg ga ngeguruin,nyepet pelan2 biar ngerti sampe maki2 depan muka kalo dah keterlaluan.orang yg ga pernah sadar klo ada yang suka ma dia sampe ntar jauh setelah itu baru tau setelah dikasihtau temennya.CPD! cuma 1 yg gue sesalin dr hubungan kita yg super hebat ini:knp gw kenal ma lu baru skrg setelah hidup udah jauh berjalan n kita udah susah bwt sama2 terus.. gw sayang bgt ma loe tante!!" -emon,temen setia tukang bikin skandal.

"a great sister,lousy chef,an amateur photographer who surprisingly can always catch a brief moment in a nice angle that turns into a nice picture,super adventourous baby and an awesome friend to be the only 1 i cried for when she left." -diana,salah satu penyokong kehidupan malaysia dulu.

"leng chay freaks,seems very strong in the appearance but softy2 in the inside,daydreamer all the time!haha keep dreaming mate!" -ben,anonymous loveable person.

"manja,norak,tukang tipu,kekanak2an,keras kepala,kolokan,rese tapi entah kenapa omongannya selalu ngena di hati bikin sayang banget ma orang ini." -bee,lebah langka.

"cewe yg ga bisa idup tanpa hape disebelahnya. dari mulai bangun tidur sampe mau tidur lg,loe bisa liat hape setia di sebelahnya!tapi untung dia ga ikut2an autis make BB,soalnya ni cewe udah autis dr sananya..haha miss sms lu!" -arun,abang yg slalu jealous karna gak ada yg smsin dia.

"makhluk cupu!ngakunya ga suka clubbing tapi klo dance bikin bumi gonjang ganjing.ngakunya jg ga suka minum tapi klo disodorin liquor minumnya paling kuat.pengalaman nyoba bikin dia drunk berakhir dengan kebangkrutan kita semua buat beli berbotol2 minuman n she can still did her assignment well after that!sarap!" -meimei,temen yg selalu jd orang yg diseret pulang karena mabok.

"uv gila!impiannya ketinggian,badannya kegedean,senyumnya kelebaran,kalkuannya (kadang) keterlaluan,kucingnya kebanyakan,otak kanannya kecairan, dan hatinya kebesaran.orang baik yang kadar jahatnya hanya melewati batas saat bom waktunya udah meledak." -bejo,gay guy tersayang yg gadunnya kebanyakan!

so,there u go the testimonials. I cant say whether those words are true or not. but i do love those people so much coz no matter what they say i know hey know who i am and take as i am. i love u all guys!!





when are we going to have that reunion we've been planned all years yet 2008 is nearly coming to the end now.hahahaha. i know u can read this so buzz me when the plan is on babe!.