An ending time..

I think it's about time 2 give up on d story n let eyereen n shyila decided how wud they hav their ending..

This is my final with no ending..

n im starting my new 1
my own story!


.Vee

Thanks to the beautiful morning.

Pagi ini hujan turun. Setelah berminggu-minggu panas memeluk bumi. Jam 6 pagi. Saat mimpi buruk tadi malam membangunkan aku dari kelelapan tidur. Beranjak ke jendela, aku mencium bau tanah basah. I don’t know why but I always love the smell of the first drop of rain. So I open the window. Menyadari titik embun yg menempel dari nafas hangatku. Hujan turun deras,namun tak cukup deras untuk menghanyutkan mimpi buruk tadi.

Hari apa ini?

Aku lupa. Hari Nampak mengabur di depan mata. Entah kenapa hari,tanggal,jam,menit bahkan detik Nampak tak berarti akhir-akhir ini. Mungkin karena aku yang tak ingin mengingat berapa banyak waktu yang sudah kuhabiskan bersama eyereen. Mungkin karena aku tak mau menghitung, tak mau tahu sudah berapa lama eyereen bersamaku.

Ya,aku tak mau tahu. Aku hanya ingin tahu bahwa dia masih bersamaku. Aku hanya ingin tahu bahwa dia masih ada untuk memelukku, untuk menggenggam tanganku, atau hanya sekedar untuk menatapku lembut saat aku bercerita.

"I just saw you
Beyond the course of time
A room that we once shared
But my memory's a haze
Forgetting what was said

I gently held out my hand
And in that perfect moment
You disappeared - I lost you over again"

Lagu ini…

Sesaat aku melayang,membayangkan diriku di tempat lain. Di jalan itu, beberapa waktu lalu. Saat itu hujan turun pula dan bau tanah basah menemaniku melangkahi trotoar basah. Jaket putih eyereen menempel hangat di tubuhku. Aku mendapati pikiranku melayang, pada eyereen, pada senyumnya yang selalu meliputiku. Hujan masih turun dari atas, namun rintikannya tak membuatku berhenti. Jalanan itu ramai, masih pagi namun there’s been so many people standing and walking on the street. They’re waiting for something or someone, I don’t know. Or else they’re heading somewhere. Entah kemana aku ingin pergi, kesunyian melenyapkanku, sesaat aku merasa masih sendiri, berjalan di tengah tatapan orang yang terasa nanar. Aku tak bisa melihat siapa atau berapa banyak pasang mata yang menatapku.

"In a shallow sleep I dreamt I was seeing you
Just how I remembered
Brimming with tenderness
And somewhere in the calm
A feeling that nothing had ever changed
Your presence close beside me till I wake "

Im still walking, and I get eyereen in my sight. Why is he standing there?im clueless,but then,He’s fading away, I try to chase him. I don’t want to lose him but the distance between us seems to get further by second. I run and run. I don’t care how my breath torturing me, I don’t care how people’s look disgracing me, I don’t care, I just don’t want to lose any sight of eyereen. He’s still there, standing between the drop of morning dew, I cant see clearly what he’s wearing.

Eyereen, aku tak bisa berlari lagi, tubuhku oleng, nafasku setengah terhela, rasanya sudah seperti akan habis saja.

Eyereen, aku berusaha menatapnya, namun bayangannya mengabur, ia makin jauh. Dadaku makin sesak, bukan karena lelah tapi karena dorongan air mata yang akan jatuh. Tubuhku bergetar, mataku terasa panas, sesaat kukira aku akan terjatuh ke tanah yang keras, namun tubuhku terasa seperti melayang pelan. Aku tak melihat lagi jalanan itu, orang-orang itu,

"I just saw you
A moment far too brief
Before the daylight came
But my heart is beating fast
Perhaps we'll meet again

In a shallow sleep I dreamt I was seeing you
Just how I remembered
Brimming with tenderness
And somewhere in the calm
A feeling that nothing had ever changed
Your presence close beside me till I wake

I see you - until I wake from shallow sleep "

eyereen…. Mataku tertutup pelan, diantara nafas yang mulai memelan dan menghilang.

This smell..i can sense this smell clearly, I know this smell, very much. Kubuka mataku,dan,

oh Tuhan. Wajah itu, melayang diatasku, tersenyum,sangat dekat. Bisa kurasakan helaan nafasnya di depan wajahku. Bisa kudengar detak jantungnya dekat dadaku. Eyereen…

Aku berusaha memanggil namanya, namun tak ada suara yg keluar. Aku hanya bisa diam,I cant even smile. Eyereen, what’s happening here? Why I cant touch you?. Dan seakan bisa membaca pikiranku, eyereen tersenyum lebih dalam, ia makin mendekat, kini wajahnya hanya beberapa cm di depanku. Tangannya menyentuhku, namun tak kurasakan kekuatannya, hanya kehangatan yang melelehkan.

Lalu tiba-tiba saja setelah kehangatan itu memenuhi seluruh aliran darahku, bayangan eyereen mulai menjauh. What the hell is happening here?

Eyereen… mataku mulai berontak, aku ingin menangis,namun tak satupun air mata yang menetes. Ia makin menjauh, senyumnya memudar. Ingin rasanya aku berteriak dan memanggil namanya keras-keras. namun tubuhku terkunci, tak bs bergerak, tak bisa menangis, tak bisa berbuat apa-apa. this is the worst part of everything!.

Where’s this? What’s happening? Where r u going eyereen? Why r u leaving me?

Eyereen, please, don’t go, don’t leave me rotten here alone,please… I cant breath, I cant see now, suddenly all turns black and disappearing and……

I collapsed.

" An artist without a brush
Can't paint upon the canvas
Without you here - there is no colour
A colourless landscape"

Mimpi. Mimpi yang sangat buruk.

Im here now, sitting by the window, looking at the glance of rain. Safe and warm in my own room. Syukurlah bayangan tadi hanya mimpi. Tak perduli betapa sulitnya untuk bangun dan betapa sulitnya untuk melihat kembali kenyataan, selama itu hanya mimpi, aku akan baik-baik saja. Karena eyereen masih disini, masih disampingku. And that’s just enough.

Tubuhku masih terasa sakit dan berat, kepalaku pun terasa sedikit berputar, dadaku masih sesak. Namun tadi hanya mimpi dan aku bersyukur karenanya. Yang kuperlukan hanya untuk tahu, bahwa eyereen tak meninggalkanku seperti mimpi tadi, bahwa masih ada dia di sebrang sana, masih ada hujan yang mendamaikan disini, dengan coklat panas ditanganku, jaket eyereen di tubuhku dan kenyataan bahwa semuanya masih baik2 saja. And I know ill be just fine.

hmm..

it's about time to wake up. si mungil handphone tercintaku berbunyi. sms.

'morning dear,how's ur sleep?

i had this weird nightmare,i think u

had too,ya?anyway,wakey2 n hav a

beautiful rainy morning,i luv u,for today

n everyday :)'

sms itu,dan aku tahu hari ini akan baik-baik saja,tak perduli seberapa parah mimpi tadi malam,that's just a dream and now, i have my rainy guy and rainy spirit to get through the day with my shallow sleep song as my soundtrack of the day,

i might have the shalowest sleep ever,but thanks to eyereen,my beautiful morning boi....

i had my morning just absolutely great.

10 songs i love about you

10 songs I love about you.

1. who do u think you see when you look at me?
Is it somebody strong?

Somebody you could admire?

And who do u think I am when I hold ur hand?

Are u counting on me to fill your dreams and your desires?

Coz all I am is lonely like u

All I wanna do is have 1 dream come true

All I am is handling you my heart

And hoping to be part of you….

-all I am-

2. I think I’ve already lost you

I think you’ve already gone

I think im finally scared now

And you think im weak but I think you’re wrong

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try

I think I could need - this in my life

And I think I'm scared - I think too much

I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing.

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home

There's an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you're gone - baby I need you to come home

There's a little bit of something me

In everything in you.

-if you’re gone-

3. I remember in the day being oh so independent

I remember how I'd say I could never fall I was cynical

Funny now in the day

Since you came into my life

Now I'll never be the same

Baby I'm amazed by the love you gave

Finally I can see

What a life really means to me, to me babe

All I need is you in my life forever

All I need is you everyday by my side

Got to let you know you're the one that I treasure

I can search the world but never find

A better love that is between you and I

All I need is you

- all I need is you -

4. dia seperti apa yang selalu kunantikan, kuinginkan

dia oh dia melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna

dia seperti apa yang selalu kunantikan, akuinginkan

dia melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna

dia bukakan pintu hatiku yang lama tak bisa

percayakan cinta hingga dia disni

memberi cinta ku harapan

- dia -

5. Terima kasih cinta

untuk segalanya

kau berikan lagi

kesempatan itu

tak akan terulang lagi

semua... kesalahanku

yang pernah menyakitimu

Tanpamu, tiada berarti

tak mampu lagi berdiri

cahaya kasihmu, menuntunku

kembali dalam dekap tanganmu

- terima kasih cinta –

6. Ku akan menjagamu

Di bangun dan tidurmu

Di semua mimpi dan nyatamu

Ku akan menjagamu

Tuk hidup dan matiku

Tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

- dik -

7. kau begitu sempurna

Di mataku kau begitu indah

Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu

janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku

Takkan mampu menghadapi semua

Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku

Kau adalah jantungku

Kau adalah hidupku lengkapi diriku

Oh sayangku kau begitu

Sempurna

-sempurna –

8. I Think Of You In Everything That I Do

to Be With You What Ever It Takes I'll Do

cause You My Love, You All My Heart Desires

you've Lighten Up My Life Forever I'm Alive

since I Found You My World Seems So Brand New

you've Show Me The Love I Never Knew

your Presence Is What My Whole Life Through

since I Found You My Life Begin So New

now Who Needs A Dream When There Is You

for All Of My Dreams Came True

since I Found You

-since I found you -

9. Jangan pergi, bersamaku di sini

Menemani hari sepiku

Takkan lagi buka lembaran lalu

Kan mengusik luka lama

Jangan pergi dariku, tinggalkanku

Bawa daku kemana kau pergi

Jangan lari dariku

Jangan tepis rinduku

Ku tak bisa berpaling darimu

Semuanya telah untukmu

-jangan pergi-

10. we started out as friends

It is funny how from simple things

The best things begin

This time is different

It is all because of you

It is better than it has ever been

I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one

To be with every night

Because whatever I do

It is just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone

- I finally found someone –

…………………………………………………….it starts with me ends on you.

an unblue note

‘ribuan hari aku menunggumu

Jutaan waktu tercipta untukmu

Cobalah aku kapan engkau mau..

Taukah lagu yang kau suka

Taukah bintang yang kau sapa

Taukah rumah yang kau tuju,

ITU AKU….’

Ps: now u do know that it’s me and i ain't blue-ing u,don’t u?

a blue note that aint blue

Shyila,
Ive decided.
I quit.
For good.
I don’t wanna be gay anymore,I wanna be cured.
I want to have a normal life like most people.

Im freakin tired,
Now I realized how exhausted I can be being stuck in the middle of two people I love most.
But im more tired seeing you hurted in your place when I should be the one who get all the pain. With you and with him,none is going to work out.

So I have to choose,
And I made my choice.
I quit on him and I will start a new one with you.
Only with you shyila,

Coz I found out,
Ive hurted u so much I couldn’t give u more than myself.

I finally hurted myself.
I didn’t get my happiness with him. Maybe it was because my selfishness or his too sky-scraping pride. Or maybe it was just because he and I didn’t meant for each other. Well,u couldn’t really ask much from a gayish teen relationship like that,could u? that,too,only if I still can be considered as teen.
Shit,now I realized im way older than my age I thought. I should have been mature by this age and yet here I am,acting like a teenager with their stupid love stories,hurting the person I should be protecting instead of being protected by her.

How ashamed I am!

Now I feel really bad,not because of my broken heart,but because I know how late I am to actually love you the way I should from the very first time I met you.

Im sorry shyila,
But I can assure you now that I will prove all my words ive said to you before,when I asked you to wait till this moment came.
And the moment has come.

Would u walk beside me now?
Would u hold my hand all the time?
Would u trust ur heart on me,shyila?

Ive chosen,
And I chose u…

.eyereen.

Ps:I know u love blue,that’s why I use blue for this note.i hope the answer,wont make me feeling blue. Note me back. :)

a wishful wishes

God,
I know ive been asking too much from you.
I know ive been sinful and bad.
I know I shouldn’t ask u more,

But just for this time,
Will u granted my 1 wish?

God,please let me and eyereen have this moment for long,
Please keep him attached to me,
And please,
Please, make him love me the way he should’ve been back then..

Ill do everything,
And ill commit myself more to u just to grant these wishes.

Amin.

Guess that aint really A wish I made..

060608

Oh my god,this must have been the happiest day in my life.

Eyereen’s broke up with his boyfriend.

He’s finally ends that love.

The love that should have been mine long time ago.

And he said he wanted to start all over again with me.

Eyereen wants to stop being gay.

Thanks God.

I couldn’t show how happy I am and excited and everything now.

Oh my God,this must have been the happiest day in my life.

Im so happy,have I said im happy?

Guess ive said that too many times by now.

Im happy. So happy.

Hahahaha

U know what?

Now I know why people love to laugh when they’re happy,

Coz it brings all the good things to the surface,

So they don’t have to tell others that their happy.

It’s shown in their faces and that’s just enough to show how happy they are.

Now I know how beautiful the world can be,

How blue the sky is,

And how sweet the smell of a chocolate…

And that’s all just because 1 good news from eyereen.

He’s quitting his gay state and ended his relationship.

Eyereen wants to have a fresh new start with me.

Oh my god.

It feels like I could see my own smile smiling back at me.

Gosh,

I cant stop smilling.

:)

Eyereen,

Now I can say with all my heart,

Screaming with all my strength,

I LOVE YOUUUU!!!!!!!