My perfect shyila….
I know u are sick with all those words i've given to you. I know u are sick with the way thing goes at our relationship. I know u are sick hearing another sorry from my lips. But that’s the least I can do to at least trying to lighten up the burden on your shoulder.
I don’t know how u can survive with all of this. Our story, my story with him. I really don’t know. Ive lost ideas on how u can actually still stand there with your smile and comfort for me,waiting with all your prayer that ill come to you with all my heart to love you. To have only you as my lover,just like how you put me in your heart now.
shyila,im sorry,for putting you in this kind of situation. For letting your heart fall for me when I know somehow I couldn’t catch it. Im sorry that you have to know him,another love in my life. Ive seen you being so strong,i've seen you so many times putting away your ego for me.
Remember the time I was having a fight with him? You were the one who begged him to forgive me. You were also the one whose been trying to cheer me up and told me that everything was gonna be ok again between me and him. You were the one who wiped my tears though you knew those tears weren’t for you. How can you be that nice?how can you be that wise?when I know,you’re hurted by everything you tried to do for me n him. I know deep inside of you,I scratch another pain.
I love you.
I know you know I do.
I love you since the first time I saw you. I watched your smile and stunned by it. The purest smile I ever saw. And eversince,I could never let myself not watching your back till you’re gone at the corner,just to make sure you’re really ok,make sure it’s really ok to let you go. I couldn’t get you out of my sight,mind and soul. But u know that I couldn’t lose him too.
I love you shyila,
I really do.
I beg your forgiveness for loving him too.
For hurting you too much.too bad.
I never meant to.
I know it’s a waste to keep saying I love u. I know I don’t have the right to ask you to hang on there for me. Coz I can promise you nothing,I can give you nothing. Not even a simple hope that ill be there for you at the end,to fill your day with happiness and with joys that ive taken away from you all this while. I cant shyila,I don’t wanna make you have an empty hope for me.
Coz this is me.
I love you,but I love him too.
Please don’t have a doubt on how much I love you,coz I do feel what you feel.as much as you do,I love you. But those feelings are taken by him too. Again,im sorry.
Shyila,it’s so hard to let you go,It’s so hard to tell myself to just release you for a better happiness out there. Coz I know,I wouldn’t make it if not because of you. You are 1 reason why im still surviving this world. And you are also the reason why I always try to be a better person everyday.
It’s really hard,almost impossible,to let you go. But I cant just throw away him on another side. I have something with him and I have you at another side. Again and again,im sorry.
Shyila,u don’t know how much I want to see your smile everyday in my life. It’s almost kill me to know that you shed a tear. I always want you to be happy,to have those smiles,to feel those joy and to be by myside while having all of that. But I couldn’t ask for more. I don’t wanna always be the bloody bastard whose so selfish to keep you here when I know you’re unhappy bout it. I don’t wanna see you faking your smile or pretending that everything is a beautiful story when it’s not. I don’t want you to seize another pain dear. I love you.
But sayang,will u just stay there for a little more time?.this is all I can ask u to. To stand there and wait for me for another while,until im sure which way to go and which way to love. I know uve been putting a lot of hope on us. So will u just stick to your hope for a bit more time?
I promise 1 thing,when it’s about time,if it’s pain that you’ll feel at the end,I promise to take it away from you and let myself feel the pain alone as I deserve it. Let me be the painful person and not you. Coz I love you.
Again and always,I love you shyi…
Yours,
Eyereen.
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